2007-02-01
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It's such a simple, simple thing that one couldn't possibly call it anything else but intuitive - do something for that someone you love.
I see it around all the time, with buddies watching each other's back, best friends lending shoulders, patting backs, my dad cleaning up after my (temporarily) disabled mother, calling back from work daily, and my mom worrying about him, laying out his medicine.
But it's so hard to do!
And I find myself lending smiles to everyone but the ones who matter the most to me, feeding affection to the populace rather than the kings and queens of my heart (cheesy xD!).
I don't think it's wrong - because I do genuinely want to be nice to everyone around me. But for every hug I intend for that special someone, I find them redirected to someone else. And then, I watch in dismay as the special someone thinks I don't care.
Like Fish says, one must always assess the reasons for failure. And I think it's because I'm afraid of them.
Or that I'm afraid of myself. Afraid of getting too close, letting my affection out only to find no receiving arms.
nothing ever happens at 1:03 p.m.